So before I go into how much of a massive arse hole Atlas is I’ll just brief you on how delightful he can be ….
1. He’s good in the car
2. He sleeps at night
… the end !
The rest of the time he literally is that person you just look at at want to punch in the throat! He has the most beautiful face and honestly not even that saves him most of the time.
Take this weekend for example now set the scene, it’s sunny, so of course, every man and his great aunt fanny is out, so obviously we decide to go for a nice afternoon stroll with a friend and her baby! Oh how stupid were we to think we could go out in public ! The moment he got out of the car he started squealing like a guy who has his testicles locked in a vice! Before you ask … there was no reason for this at all!!
So we’re strolling along trying to ignore the fact that the noises coming from the dog are totally normal with a strange smile on our faces like “we know we’re embarrassing ourselves but we’re committed now and it’s happening” and he spots a deer ! Oh we that was it ! He then starts wailing like a blood hound who’s had too much gin and attempts to bulldoze his way through the pram to get to said deer! I at which point decided to try and divert his attention by playing with his ball and walking in the opposite direction. What I actually ended up doin was hitting him on the head with his ball and dragging him away whilst the god awful noise was still coming from the dog!
By this point the theory of Cesar Milan being “the pack leader” and “setting boundaries rules and limitations” went to shit! I’m fairly certain people wanted to call the rspca on the crazed woman who looked like she was beating her dog with a toy in the middle of Dunham Massey !
We finally retreat to the comfort of our home. Four walls … safe enclosed space! Haha oh no no ….. the running around in circles starts, honestly it’s like the scene out of Mary poppins “places everybody, places” grab your shoes and your brew in the knowledge the five stone flying cannon could come your way at any minute! It’s not pretty!!
After that, the humping starts …. now credit where it’s due it is only one of two of his cushions. But lord above it’s not something I want to see when Corrys on! Having to shift your view every two seconds to avert your eyes from his back end going ten to the dozen on his pillow!
When that finally ends you think you’ve cracked it …. no !
Thats when the staring starts! Never in my life did I think I’d be made to feel awkward by a dog ! Well believe me …. the intense staring with a dog who’s eye level to you is the weirdest thing and I have no idea why he does it. Eventually he decided that he’s seen enough of my face and lies down.
Thats the exact same time you realise your sodding brews gone cold and your bladders screaming at young because you’ve been holding back Niagra falls for the past hour whilst carnage unfolded in your lounge!
You cant move … you can’t even think about moving because you know if it does it starts again ….
I’m stab writing this on my driveway preparing for this evenings battle !! I’ll keep you posted !
Get a puppy they said … it’ll be fun they said !!
(Atlas and his teeny tiny hat … if only he wasn’t so cute 😂❤️🌍 )